Packing Up the Past

Today, I put every one of my sons baby items in the attic. Over the last three years I have had to slowly put away outgrown clothes or cloth diapers.


Today was different though, I went through every. single. thing. in his room and packed up all of the toys, clothes, and baby gear. I even gave away a few of the larger things that are too difficult to store.

There is no longer a single trace of a baby left in our home.


I’ve written a little bit before about my struggle with infertility. It took me 3.5 years to conceive my pretty fabulous child, who you can read more about here. :)

He is now 3.5 years old.

We are completely on the other end of this thing. I remember one time, when I was pregnant for him and my husband was out of town, I spent hours washing all of his baby clothes, separating them by size and putting them in his dresser. I remember seeing the clothes and hardly believing he would be big enough to fill them. I day dreamed about what it would be like to be his mother.


Now, as I take those same clothes and pack them away, all I can think about is how extraordinarily fast the days and years have passed.

Like other moms, I have often felt completely consumed in the every day life of parenthood. Just trying to make it from one day to another and keep the kid alive and the house standing. But times like today, I take the chance to slow down and think about how awesome its been.


I love all of the time I get to spend with that crazy kid, but it is so incredibly bittersweet to watch him grow. I absolutely LOVE watching him mature and grow into an amazing little boy, but I am totally crushed watching every ounce of his little baby-ness disappear.

I spent countless hours holding a baby that literally never let me out of his sight for his first year of his life. He was not a sleeper, but when he did sleep, it was on my chest. I spent 307 hours nursing him in the first 6 months of his life (yes I tracked it lol) and then continued to nurse him until he was three years and one month old, and changed more diapers than I care to remember!


Putting away all of his things feels like I'm closing a huge chapter in my life. It feels so final.

What makes moving forward so hard is that you have to let go. Letting go means accepting that this phase is over. 

I no longer have a baby. I have a little boy.

An independent, strong willed, free spirited, loving, and innocent little boy. Watching the world through his eyes is so wonderful. It is filled with trains, elephants, and ice cream. Everything is exciting and new even if its the 100th time he has seen it! And, it all happened so quickly.


I swear I just blinked and here we are.

So, here is to moving forward and trying to enjoy every moment of this hectic time with a preschooler, just like I did with my infant and toddler. All of these phases will pass by so quickly and I'm sure in a few years I will sit around wishing he was a preschooler again!

And maybe, just maybe, there will be a baby in the house again soon enough ;).